Tiny Adorable Destroyer

This is something no one told me about becoming a parent: You may have a moment in the days after your tiny, soft, precious, perfect little voyager arrives when you stand alone in your kitchen, weeping silently and thinking "Oh my god, we have ruined our lives. Nothing will ever be okay again."

I'm not talking about postpartum depression (which is a much larger topic and one I fortunately can't speak to personally). I'm talking about normal postpartum feelings. Maybe not everyone feels them, but I've talked to several other parents who have had that same moment (sometimes, like me, on several occasions).

People don't talk about it much. Partly, I think, because it's not the sort of story you can fully appreciate unless you've been there (though it's still worth sharing so that others will know, when and if they get there, that they're not alone, and it's certainly something that most people who haven't had children can still understand and empathize with), and partly because our society generally takes a very sentimental, soft-lit view of brand-new babies and their parents.

And that's a shame. Because those joys wouldn't be diminished by focusing more on the struggles new parents face, and acknowledging those struggles would go a long way to lifting the burden of feeling like a horrible person for not being wholly suffused with wonder and delight, and for experiencing something other than pure and unadulterated joy after the birth of a child.

So, in the interests of doing my part to ease that burden: New parents, if you find yourself thinking that you've ruined your life, it's pretty unlikely that you have. You can talk to me about it and I won't think you're a bad person.

And if you are having more than just the occasional "oh god I ruined my life" moments, or thoughts of harming anyone (yourself included), or any other reason to think you might be experiencing postpartum depression, please reach out and get help. Contact your prenatal care provider if you can (any ob/gyn or midwife practice should be able to either help you themselves or put you in touch with someone who can), or visit Postpartum Support International or contact your local United Way chapter to find local resources.